dolphin

a poem inspired by linda perhacs' "dolphin"

my ambition will ruin me

you’re standing in the same place
talking about the same coffee
turning over the same dream in your mouth
so you don’t have to swallow it

ambition looks stupid on me
it sits strangely on my body
it sits on me ugly

my desire’s ruined me

i’m voracious
i seek meaning in places
it does not belong

i make a fool of myself
i make a real show of that muscle
inside my ribs
like wanting this badly
makes me worth something

but i’m here still waiting,
thinking it’s about to happen
i’m still in the humiliating
place you left me

you’d think i’d grow out of the fantasy
that i’m meant for more than this

i think i’m better than you, ‘cause
i’m not like you, but maybe i am —
just louder, just needier

maybe i’m the same as you
just harder to look at

i don’t even know what i want these days
just that i want it